Ratty’s Blog

Greetings fans!

Two-leg wrote about how she was lucky enough to have me in her life recently and I have to agree, she’s very lucky to have me. I’ve managed to train her sufficiently so I’m able to sleep under the covers of the bed, go most places with her, and have food delivered regularly, not regularly enough in my opinion, but she’s showing improvement.

Two-leg has discovered the blog she wrote about me has been more popular than what she refers to as her ‘real writing’ and is now referring to me as the ‘blog-hog-dog’. She left the laptop at home today so I’ve decided to take matters into my own paws and give you an update on my world, since you’re all so interested.

Most days I get taken for a drive in the car and then two-leg stands around and yells at people on big four-leg things. This is usually my chance to go and roll in stuff, let everyone know who I am and check that everything’s where I left it the last time I was there. Two-leg becomes cranky when I get dirty, she really has no idea how much time I devote to carefully choosing a spot, and caring about the odour one carries with Imageoneself when selecting ‘things that smell’ to roll in. I apparently then have to have a bath, I try to maintain my dignity during this process but I resemble something drowned during it and then as I dry my hair goes fluffy, really fluffy. I’d also like to know who decided that a dog should smell like oatmeal….stupid shampoo.

I’ve been watching those four-legged things for a while now. They reckon they’re so fancy with the ‘dancing’ stuff they can do! Well check this out, as soon as I get control of my off hind my flying changes are going to be AWESOME!

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Two-leg is sleeping a bit more recently, something about not studying law this semester. This is a good thing, I was quite scared of those big books she was always carrying around, let’s face it, they would squash me flat if she dropped one on me. She is talking about something called Equitana which appears to be some sort of a big deal to her, something about exhibiting there. I hope she brings me back some sort of present. Pig ears or a bling collar would do.  She’s spending a lot of time writing and ‘creating products’ whatever that means. I supervise this process, she thinks I’m sleeping but I’m really watching.

Pretending to be asleep has its advantages. Recently after a long day teaching in the rain and the wind two-leg stopped at the supermarket to purchase dinner supplies. Because she’s sometimes a bit vague she had to stop at ANOTHER supermarket to purchase the remaining ingredients. This is the cool part. By pretending to be asleep I lulled her into a false sense of security and she left the shopping in the car. I have long maintained my girlish figure of 5kg and I have to say that even I was impressed that I managed to put away nearly a kilo of mince! Even better was that two-leg didn’t notice until she reached home so she had to go out AGAIN!! Oh I laughed and laughed…..once I felt better of course, I have to admit to feeling slightly poorly after my magnificent feast.

Two-leg apparently needs to ‘work’ again so if you’d like to forward me pig ears, bling collars, hoof, mince or a more friendly cat to live with you can contact me through Two-legs website or Facebook page.

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