Ratty Writes

Greetings again fans, I’ve finally got the computer again. It’s very hard when two-leg is me, me, me ALL the time!

I’ve been living the life as they say.

Could someone please peel me a grape?

I’ve had a few adventures too.

The Great Escape – During something called the Olympics two-leg became obsessed with staying with friends, sleeping on couches and watching those things she teaches dance around all night. You’d think she had enough of them during the day but there you go and there she was, night after night. The good part for me is we stayed at my favourite ‘other’ house with Beccy and Ross. This house is great, they have two small two-legs who drop food and feed me so it’s all good from where I’m standing, plus, really good things come out of the magic cold and silver thing in the kitchen when Beccy goes in there.

One day two-leg had to go into the city for her other job and I was left at Beccy and Ross’ for the day. I had wonderful plans of sleeping on their bed and couch all day but was instead put outside for the day with their dog Higgy. Higgy used to be a police dog. I don’t think she’s realised she’s off duty yet. She wants to know EVERYTHING and thinks she’s SO important. It was like being interrogated for HOURS. After lunch when I really just wanted to nap and she was STILL ‘where are you going’, ‘where have you been’, ‘what are you doing now’ – I managed to stage the great escape! I found a spot even the two-legs can’t find and out I went. The best part was turning around and seeing Higgy-the-cop-dog with her head stuck in the hole and completely unable to follow me!

I was pretty done with being asked questions so when other two-legs tried to talk to me I just kept on going. Eventually a two-leg did catch me and took me to a vets house and they put me in a cage. The humiliation! I could only just get my nose through the bars. On the upside – they fed me!

The best part was the total panic it caused all the two-legs around me to go into when they realised I wasn’t there. Two-legs left their work places, spent lots of time on mobile phones and eventually came and rescued me. I was pretty happy to see them I guess but the nice people at the vet did have all that food…

Stupid Running Caper – Two-leg’s embarked on something she refers to as Couch to Five K. She calls it other names as well but I won’t repeat those, let’s just say I’ve developed quite the vocabulary since living with her. She goes out three times a week and swears at someone who tells her to “run”. I get to come along on these jaunts. Because it’s a shared path we go on I have to stay on the lead pfft. Two-leg’s been complaining that I can’t run in a straight line. Silly woman, she’s no idea I have smells to smell and things to investigate. The other reason I don’t always run in a straight line is the amusement value I get out of hearing her try to not fall over me at the end of one of her runs. When she’s huffing and puffing and shuffling along, it’s worth the considerable risk of having her land on me, just for the giggle. I’m currently being a good dog and lulling her into a false sense of security. I think my next ‘make two-leg feel like she’s six-leg’ moment may be at the end of a ten minute run. She should be nicely uncoordinated by then.

Marketing Assistant

In other news I’ve been very busy assisting with marketing activities and am also slightly bemused as to why letterbox is still empty. In my last blog I requested pig products, bling collars and a friendly cat to be delivered. Do I need to provide my address?

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2 thoughts on “Ratty Writes

  1. Ratty dearest… you can always come to chez Cleland and playu with the five four legs here, if oyu feel oyu need a break form all that running…

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